I’m of the idea that all forms of therapy, or even meditation, lead, eventually and quite naturally, to resolving the conflicts experienced in early childhood and inherent in the relation of children to their parents. This type of relationship is not only the first, and most necessary, of human relations, but also the most important — and the most tender — since it is going to shape our future (emotional) life in ways that are both conscious and unconscious. It is this relationship that will serve as the role model to all our other relations in the world, not only our relationship to other people, especially those of a romantic kind, but also in our relationship to nature, career, institutions, or even our “idea of God.” Therefore, giving the implications of the current state of this primary relationship (in which we were born into) — be it healthy or unhealthy or in-between — we should strive to work on it, perfect it, cherish it, and take pleasure in it, in the best way possible.

Lucky is that person who has grown up in a healthy family environment. However, the sad reality is that many people have grown up in dysfunctional families and environments that cripple them psychologically, resulting in unnecessary suffering, broken relationships and the slow decay and fragmentation of society. One more difficulty is added, which is that many people who grew up in dysfunctional families tend not to attribute their sufferings to their family past, but to something else, be it their partners, their bad-luck, the opposite sex in general, the economy, or even God, thus remaining unconscious of their inner dynamics whose origin lays in the dysfunctional relationship to their parents. (This is the natural process of dissociation that is also rational since it is the safest, sometimes the only, way to feel loved even when the environment is not loving; therefore, through habit we also tend to normalize it since it is what is familiar to us).

Because of this blindness, the question may arise: what are the signs that someone may benefit from healing the wounds from the past? how can anyone know? The answer is that, initially, one cannot know for sure, though this will be revealed during a process of introspection. However, there are certain occurrences that I consider indicative of a troublesome family past (“you will know them by their fruits”), as well as certain natural desires that are healthy though still unfulfilled in the individual despite conscious attempts to achieve them.

In short, you may benefit from working on your family past if:

1. You are having a hard time finding or maintaining a stable and loving romantic relationship, and you want to be able to attract the right partner who will be committed, respectful, and loving.
2. You tend to repeat “toxic” patterns in your relationships that leave your heart broken, and you want to break away from repetitive cycles of abuse, neglect, abandonment, and experience genuine love.
3. You experience negative emotions that are unexplainable to you, and you want to gain the clarity to better understand and manage these emotions.
4. Your current relationship to your parents is dysfunctional or non-existent, and you want to open the possibility of reconnecting (emotionally) to them, and of resolving and forgiving past errors.
5. You are concerned whether you will be a good parent to your children, and raise them in a loving culture, and you want to ensure that old dysfunctional patterns aren’t passed down to the next generation.

The good news is that this state of things is not final; and that through a disciplined process of introspection, an individual can gain lasting psychological well-being and the mental clarity to pursue mature and loving relationships. This process, however, is rarely an easy one, consisting of processing the painful memories of the childhood past, thus posing genuine challenges that are emotional, intellectual, and even physical.

I would even go as far as to say that this process is the sumum bonum of all psychological and spiritual work. There are multiple ways to do it, be it slow or fast, soft or intense, with different methods or ways, from the therapeutic room, the meditation room, alas! even the tarot-reading room, or why not, outside of these rooms, in the experiences of daily life. When it comes to processes, everybody’s free to try any methods, any spiritual practices whatsoever they are and integrate them into their lives. We encourage the reader to try anything that has a therapeutic value, as long as it works for him or her.

For those interested in a more structured and comprehensive approach to integrating and transmuting the memories and emotions of their family past, I have created The Family Patterns Transformation Method (FPT Method). With this method, what could take years, even a lifetime (or lifetimes) could be accomplished in just 3 to 6 months while under the direction of a bona-fide analyst. (This timeframe could also be extended, so as to dial down the intensity it may imply, and/or to adjust for life events and other responsibilities).

To learn more about the FPT method, click here.