I’m feeling more comfortable now sharing some of my experiences… well, experiments, if you wish, in regards to the psyche. This recorded experiment occurred on October 22nd of 2022 (so many 2’s lol). It was my first time performing shadow-work, and after some research, I decided upon the following exercise:

First, I listed my positive personal qualities, side by side with their correspondent opposite negative quality, as shown on the picture:

Subsequently, I focused on those pairs with the strongest emotional charge, specially the postive qualities that made me feel proud, and the negative qualities that I hated in others, or in myself, and made me feel shame. Then, I let my emotions carry me, and I acted out those emotions through Active Imagination. As I was embodying them, the experiment lost its meticulousness, and I covered more than 1 pair of qualities. The ones I could identify were: quiet/angry, calm/explosive, reasonable/unreasonable, people-aware/self-aware, kind/unkind, smart/stupid. I started my focus with reasonable/unreasonable, and the conversation went something like this, as far as I can remember:

Conversation: Me vs Shadow

Me: Am I unreasonable?

Shadow: Yes! You are unreasonable! See!!!!! (I made weird poses at the windows while screaming).

Me: But the neighbours…

Shadow: Fuck the neighbours, man! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you so stupid?

Me: I’m not stupid.

Shadow: Oh yeah! You are! Just look! Look at how you move, and act! Look! (as I looked in the mirror). “But the neighbours”- he said jokingly.- “Uh! Look at me, I’m Oscar, and I don’t know how to live!” Why! Why! Why! Man! How can you be such an idiot! Fuck everybody! Fuck! Why are you like this? How can you be so stupid, and so boring!? Yes! I’m unreasonable! Look at me everybody how unreasonable I am! I’m a human being! You worry too much, but they will understand, because they are as human as you!

((I ran, I screamed, I hit my legs (not so strongly, but I was aware of the impulse), I jumped, and I rambled around. I was conscious of the way I was feeling, and I felt not guilty, or sad, but agreed with the statements. I knew I’m not as happy, and whole as I could potentially be. There was a lot of agressiveness discharged in that moment, and I felt a little relieved. There was a moment when the shadow became reasonable and made coherent statements, like: “Oscar, really, it is not that much I am asking for. Just be yourself, setup healthy limits, and know what you want, and work towards it… don’t be shy when talking to other people, and assert your values”.))

At other times, I tried to mimic other people in the way they handled certain situation, and the shadow interrupted quickly: “what are you doing, man! Stop mimicking him! Cannot you just be yourself!? Gosh! You’re so funny!”.

Then I felt tired, and laid down on the floor. I started laughing… and I laughed, and I thought it was me just acting something up, and I wouldn’t find anything funny, but I was laughing for a long while. The laugh came from deep within my body, within my gut! It was a deep laugh… a maquiavelian, evil laugh! The laugh itself made me laugh even more… it was a laugh that mocks all seriousness in life. I was laughing about the whole show I made, and about myself. I laughed like the joker at some point, but it did not seem fitting… I stayed with the deep evil laugh. I was laughing like the devil himself.

Shadow: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!! Oscar! Oscar! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Don’t you see that you’re taking life too serious? Ha! Ha! Now you understand that life is all about laughing? Nothing to worry about Ha! Ha! I can’t believe you’re reading books, and you’re trying to follow a process! Ha! Ha! Do you need a method to take a shit? You’re human, and you already know. Ha! Ha! and the funny thing is that you will die in the end, but not me! You thought I was angry with you? Ha! Ha! Ha! It was the other way around: you were angry with me! You put yourself in your prison, and didn’t know who to blame… I’m just watching and laughing at you Ha! Ha! Ha! Thank you for showing me your experience, but what are you going to do now?”

I think I laughed for around 40-45min. Then I went to sleep for a brief moment, and I had, at least, three dreams, of which I remember two:

Dreamwork:

Dream 1: There’s a black, African-American man at the grociery store (I was at the store this morning in real life). Me or somebody gave him a grocery cart full of produce. He exits with the cart. After a little while, me, or somebody else tried to catch up with him to get the groceries back but he was gone.

Dream 2: I was giving water to a black cat that had his little tongue outside, and looked very cute. The cat starts drinking from his recipient.

Dream 3: Don’t remember, but it had to do with a black person.

Interpretation: It is incredible how the psyche reacts to an event that just happened a few minutes ago, and how all 3 dreams share many similarities. The black man in my psysche is a shadow representation (one of many), and it was this part of me, at this time, which received the food, the nourishment, and left with the produce. I was not angry at the fact, but the other person that acompanied me (maybe my judgemental, serious part of me) seemed distressed. I had just worked with my shadow, and I felt relieved for a while, but soon after this, it left me, going back to repression.

On the second dream I’m offering water to drink to my shadow, that has a feline nature: it wants nourishment, but does not like too much closeness, just like a cat. A black cat represents, in folklore, mystery, secrecy, and it is associated with witchcraft. The cat is a self-sufficient animal, just like my shadow is, and does not necessarily need me, but appreciates when I feed/water it (the cute, happy tongue). At the same time, I know the cat will be gone after it drinks its water, and won’t stay with me, just as my shadow leaves me when the experiment is over. More work needs to be done to integrate it.

The main theme of these series of dreams is that of food offerings, aka., feeding the deity to bless my endeavours. Just like all objects of worship, they cease to exist outside of the temple. So, my life continued being an ordinary life in the same way it was before the experiment. Anything I can do for my shadow to stay? Do I want it to stay? Those are the real questions.

If you want me to guide you in any of these experiments, shadowwork (to play a character) or dreamwork (as a dream interpreter), you can text me via Instagram or book a Dream Analytics appointment:

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