The problem.

Many people, no matter how hard they try, find no luck in romantic matters. They are not able to find or maintain a committed, respectful, playful and loving relationship.

Everybody is, naturally, looking for love, but the experience of many in today’s society is quite the opposite:

• heartbreaks and ugly emotions,
• feelings of isolation and quiet desperation,
• being trapped in never-ending cycles of abuse, neglect, and/or abandonment, that keep repeating over, and over, and over again!

The reason someone has no luck in love affairs is because such a person is NOT love material himself or herself.

Conventional means cannot solve it.

Some say that, one day, they will be lucky and will find love, as if love were a matter of chance, or a numbers game.

Some people experience multiple relationships with multiple people and never find love, or don’t experience any relationships at all for fear they will not turn out well. Some stay in the same relationship for years (due to tradition or legality), even when the love spark is long gone. Even some decide not to ever date anyone gain, giving up on the ideal of romantic love.

It is especially for this last kind of people, especially young men, that are being targeted by some public figures who advice them to, basically, become toxic, to reject the possibility of a healthy relationship and to focus solely on making money, getting bigger muscles, gaining status, etc., so that they can attract a sexual partner. Oftentimes advocating for some form of transactional encounter that leads to sex or a semblance of a relationship.

Yet, the love vacuum persists. Oftentimes compensated for by an unrestrained pursuit of power, riches, sexual encounters, etc.

What solves it.

But the truth of the matter is that love is not a matter of quantity or luck, but a matter of quality, and intention and planning.

The key is not in trying multiple times or not trying. The key is in becoming oneself a loving person who is capable of attracting and maintaining a loving relationship.

To get there (assuming one is not there yet), one would have to work in oneself, in one’s psychology, in order to become a loving person, that is, to a) learn how to love, and b) UNLEARN the ways to compensate for the lack of genuine love.

Love, as in “falling in love,” does not exist because love is no accident, no chance. Love requires conscientious effort in caring, respecting, and knowing the loved person as much as oneself. In fact, to love is the hardest thing to accomplish.

Working on the cause solves it.

It is not quite evident, but the cause of all love problems lays in the (potential) psychological wound left by our relationship with our parents as we were growing up as children. This view is, of course, supported by psychology and the humanistic sciences. (and my own experience, ofc, which you can read here).

Here is the explanation (an edited extract from my book):

“Someone who has experienced a painful childhood, will to find a mother and/or a father (substitute) in all his or her relationships, especially in his or her romantic relationships. Because of this, we say that the person is child-like, infantile, psychologically dependent on “mother and father” for his or her love needs. This dependency has, effectively and repetitively, pulled him or her back into what is “familiar,” into people and circumstances that resembled his or her family past. (the cycle repeats).

This force that pulled the patient back into the past was none other than the internal force of the unconscious wound, but which the person experienced as external, as fate, as tragedy, as illness, as the fault of another person, or anything else except for the dynamics of an unresolved wound. This, just like everything else in nature, happens for a reason. The reason why the person’s past had to be repeated, perhaps multiple times in multiple relationships, was that his or her unresolved emotions in the unconscious wound could be repeated, witnessed and hopefully solved.

Of course, solving them rarely happens, except through a rigorous process of introspection that will, first, bring clarity, deliver this wound from the unconscious into the realm of consciousness. (in this the work consists).”

To determine whether healing your family past may help you, perhaps the following article could clarify it for you:

How do you know if you need to heal from a dysfunctional family past?

The path ahead.

If you have determined that healing your family past may be of your benefit, there are two options available:

1. Do nothing, continuing as before, without conscious reflection, which may prolong the patterns of unconscious repetition.
2. Do the internal work necessary to cultivate lasting and positive changes in your love life.

Believe me, I’ve been there, and I’ve done that. (options 1 & 2).

Option #1 is where you precipitously fall victim to your fate, karma, or the mechanics of cause & effect from which you cannot escape. In here, you’re engrossed in “materiality” and become the slave of it. (money, looks, sex-appeal, transactional affairs, etc., which won’t fill the vacuum). Life may throw at you experiences and people aimed at expanding your consciousness, in a more or less erratically and non-methodical way in which you suffer the consequences of your actions (as shock therapy) in order that you wake up. Some lessons, like divorce, a breakup, an infidelity, etc., are very hard emotionally, financially, even physically. The goal is to make you self-reflect! This is the hardest path.

Option #2 is where you are in charge of your happiness, of your own growth. You work on your own internal struggles, result of your family past, methodically, in order to fulfill your destiny. You self-reflect because you will it! The ultimate result of this is the cessation of the attraction that old patterns had in the mind, opening the opportunity to pursue romance in a healthier way. (btw, our view is that romantic love that is genuine culminates necessarily in marriage and the nuclear family which is the building block of society). This is the less hard path.

I won’t lie to you. Whatever path you choose will be challenging. You may encounter uncomfortable emotions, effort, and difficult reflection. However, those who engage in inner work consciously, that is, methodically, often find that over time, the challenges become more manageable, meaningful, and deeply rewarding.

Method is better than chance (option #2).

Option #1, in theory (and practice) can go on forever. In fact, many people never consider changing or don’t know how to achieve lasting changes.

The difference between where you are now and where you would like to be — or between feeling like a passive participant in your life versus taking intentional steps toward your own growth — is largely a matter of knowledge and practice (gnosis and praxis). When it comes down to processes, everybody’s free to try any methods, any spiritual practices whatsoever they are and integrate them into their lives. We encourage the reader to try anything that has a therapeutic value, as long as it works for him or her.

But for those interested in a more structured and comprehensive approach to integrating and transmuting the memories and emotions of their family past, I have created The Family Patterns Transformation Method (FPT Method). With this method, what could take years, even a lifetime (or lifetimes) could be accomplished in just 3 to 6 months while under the direction of a bona-fide analyst. (This timeframe could also be extended, so as to dial down the intensity it may imply, and/or to adjust for life events and other responsibilities).

As to our FPT Method, we believe that it is one of the fastest and more comprehensive programs for healing available. Our goal is to cure the patient, as quickly and efficiently as possible, from the emotional wound of his or her family past. For this reason, this program has a beginning and an end. What could take years, even a lifetime (or lifetimes), is here accomplished in just a few months. (3 to 6 months on average).

To learn more about the FPT method, see below:

The Family Patterns Transformation Method (FPT Method)